Sunday, March 30, 2008

Blowing my load ( its not like u think )

Almost everything in my life has been an ephemeral experience - be it the excitement to get my driving license or my craving for butter chicken as the main course every meal of my day. I quickly loose that zeal I have at kick-off, at the start of something new. This blog is a super representative example. Last post was 18th Feb. And now I am psychologically dissecting my brain-rane about why I haven’t written for so long, before which I am yawning shamelessly.

Since its me who’s in the box this time, I am obviously inclined to talk about its positivistic charm before diving into its surly side. Ehhhh….. hmmmm…. Alright I can’t think about anything that might be charming about loosing interest quickly ...for now, but I’ll get back to this after dealing with the negativity.

It is a sad commentary on my attention span isn’t it? I keep griping about it a lot but the only picture that comes to my mind is that of my dog Bully sitting inside my car chasing its own tail with the windows up. Why that picture? You see dogs have extremely low attention spans. They attention swings wildly with their appetite for food, sex and self-preservation. When my dog (who expressively loves car rides) is all excited about her next doggy trek adventure in the car, her drive peaks. But after a while in that toy car, although the drive and her drive are still in symphony, she finds smelling her own butt more amusing. Now I am not suggesting that I share some common planes with Bully – especially the smelling my own butt fetish, but I can’t fail to see a pattern. This post is clearly not healthy for me if I were a prospect in the dating world since attention is what women want, most than their advice infected Cosmos. But gosh, I think I just spawned my next subject on the blog : women’s Attenciency Immutable Defectatious Syndrome. I’ll save it for next time. Clearly off target these previous 2 lines.

Getting back to all that’s bad with ephermeralism …( If there a philosophy based on 'ephermeralism', it would be an irony if it was ever complete). It’s the creation of hope and public support that feels most pitiful to let down. Almost as though running out of bullets when your friend pleads with you to kill him because he has half his body missing (I feel so sick about me now because this is the only line in the whole 3 paras before where I did not yawn). I create and distribute vision and synergy for a few moments in a new project’s time line, after which the passion starts limping like a dead donkey’s dick. But creation never stops ( I’m not sure whether to put a positive or negative flag to the tone from this part on – i'll settle on neutral … like the Swiss). I love making (that I’d later break), breaking (that I’d later break more), shaking (that I’d break after), taking (that I’d break and return), baking (that I’d break and supply), trekking (hmm… nothing to break here), mocking (still nothing), soaking (still nothing), and Burger King(I’m nice to them since the one time I was there, I managed to find the perfect burger). I think of these infinitely amusing ideas (dunce to the non-revolutionaries and grandiose to the radicals) and chart a plan to give them life. That’s the one moment of radicalism. Give me enough time and that wise saying that talks about the dead donkey’s dick comes to relevance again. And now, I’m yawning like a walrus.

Let me check if I have processed anything that sounds positive about this. Checking… checking… checking… lets cut for a cup of tea. Hold on. I’ll be back...I promise you by the time I am back, I'll have the positives written out...In fact, why don’t you go get some coffee yourself and come back to read (If I were you, I's suggest moving to the next blog … or infinitely more righteous, watch some porn).

One nice cup of English tea and a phone call later, I am still clueless (i'll make such a horrible dad isn't it). Why must I even try? Maybe something’s are always meant to make a bend towards negativeness… like murdering hot women or staying a virgin or voting for Bush.. there can’t possibly be anything good about them. So I’ll move on (that again proves this whole exercise … I was excited to find anything cocksure about the goodness of low attention spans but I’m seduced to move to something else now......probably comment something nasty on someone else’s blog ).

So here it is then, the Declaration of Attendi-pedence : I hereby declare that there has been irrefutable evidence that suggests thats Low Attention Spans cannot yield a bounty of boners (except if circumstances necessitate a last-minute change in plans )

Ending emotion : This is has been a waste of my time.

In the next class, we’ll talk about AIDS (as promised earlier… so women, start growing your nails).

Class Dismissed!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Combo meal :Maharaja Mac + degree certificate

Guess whats hot on the latest fad stack. A Mac-Donalds certified degree. Started in France about 2 months
ago, this is equivalent to a degree you get toiling your ass out after school(in my case 4 nut-cracking yrs of engineering) by selling your mama's jewelery to make tuition.Started in consultation with the French government(there are hardly any representatives since most of them are busy speed-dating), the purpose of it is to provide "a massively distributed and accessible educational system".

I don't care, I want my government to start issuing Shanthi Sagar(or the make-your-own-other sagars) certificates. Imagine,with the reach of these aam aadmi restaurants and their frugal monetary ways, we can make sure every breakfast hogging citizen is endowed with an educational overtone.

Maybe we should start taking advise from the french government on these issues. We can hope to procure:

1.School textbooks from Playboy Publications
2.Raj Thackeray for the next Calvin Klein underwear campaign (and of course only Maharastrians are allowed to buy)
3.Defense equipment to be made by the ISI of Pakistan
4.Ready to make soup mix made my Harpic &
5.The next kingfisher Calendar featuring only Para military drop outs.

As always, I'm loving it


Promote Global Warming Campaign

I am pleased to announce that it has been officially proven that global warming will save lives. I am most pleased and am now very much looking forward to the rise in our planet's temperature.

The clever scientists have suggested that although the heatwaves and ridiculously gorgeous temperatures in Bangalore may kill off the odd few thousand people, the wonderfully mild winters will save many from freezing to to death as they do currently. As an added bonus, the high temperatures will mean there will be more scantily clad women on the streets of the UK as they combat the heatwave.

As we will now have a net gain of lives saved and under dressed women on the street, I am very optimistic for the future and will now be campaigning for the "Promote Global Warming Campaign". It will be very easy to get involved. Here are a few tips which I have already started practising myself:

1. Leave all the lights on in the house.
2. Constantly turn your television on and off in the house.
3. Goto nearby food outlets and leave the taps running in the bathrooms.
4. Leave your heating on and your windows wide open
5. Eat only frozen foods
6. Buy a diesel car and drive around aimlessly.
7. Have baths 3 times a day.
8. Use your hosepipe to water the grass in the rain.
9. Buy only bright light bulbs, not energy efficient dim useless ones.
10. Beat up and gag any anti-global warming activist - then educate them appropriately.

All these solutions maybe costly but if we are saving lives, it is worth every penny. Any further suggestions to this campaign would be most welcome. Please promote global warming and save lives today!

Your environmental activist,

Sunday, February 17, 2008

I have a dream : The crusador fetish

An email dated 2005 that I wrote when I felt I was spiralling down to becoming another cyber coolie. I remember me facing extortive craving to shatter my cubicle down as a symbol of showing "this is not what we are designed to do". i wanted to put my papers down that day and sign up for the closest anti-corruption NGO. I thank my senses I didnt.

read on :


My dad recently got an additional job as a Land Revenue commisioner.
We all know the amount of money exchanging hands under the tables in the various taluks , RTO's and village registration offices. He caught one such guy who was involved in illicit exchange of exhorbitant amounts of cash. That guy was dimissed. This has created much fear among the other who do the same(taking bribes). So my dad predicts that now they will think twice before taking a bribe. Also, in all his speeches(he gives about 10 every week), he talks strongly against the bribe taking community(some of who are always present at his speech). He looks at them straight in the eye and declares that all those who are involved will be caught. Its his courage to look straight in the eye of the devil in front of a mass which has got him far.

Do we have as much power and reach as IAS officers do? Can we twist and create scares among the corrupt indivuiduals? The answer might be no. But we do have something which no one else has. We are young and we have the ability to think like this now.That gives us the courage to fight not just a wind , but a storm. We can be taken seriously if we wish. But first we have to take ourselves seriously.What can we do as mere s/w eng's? Other than the monochromatic,well paid lives we lead as s/w eng's , we could do much to improve other ppls lives. Realize this:We are born and put on this
planet coz the universe felt the lack of something. Each one of us has been born to replace that impotency of the world with somethin beautiful. In other words, we have all been put here for a purpose. Find that purpose and we'll find meaning. The questions we ask ourselves:how can we help others? How can i stop the guile spreading around? all contain the fullfillment of that purpose we are yet to satisfy.

just realize ur social responsibilities... nobody's gonna tell u what it is
..u just ve to realize it urself. it could be helping the homeless in colonies
around u or by educating them or raising funds for basic sanitation or
providing them with knowledge about hygene and STD's. There r a million things one can do, only ur imagination is the limit. And if u ever doubt whether what u do is actually helping others better than if u wer not doing it, dont worry ,u'll always know whether u r. We all have a conscious , which even in the most confusing predicaments will tell us what exactly shud be done.

Guys,right now we think success in life is measured in the big cheques we gather every month. Right now , we'r not satisfied with what we earn. And this I can gurantee,no matter where we reach on the financial rung, we will never be satisfied with how much ever we earn( Coz nuthing seems enuff). But theres something that can truly fill us. It is the same thing we'r all born for. Its not to make money,not to drive fast cars or own a studded mansion but to create happiness. Realize this and do something.

Dispassionate reasoning : the influence of emotion on intelligent action

archival : dated 2006 . 06 surely produced some pensive moods.I remember penning all these during the times when I was coerced to sit and programme with hardly any real programming to do.

read on :

Dispassionate reasoning is what i exhibited was all a man had to say about something he feels is not rite...

U say that u cannot find answers in ur mind,therby seek solutions in ur heart .But the answers r ther in ur mind..urs,mine or any1 in beat with their conscious confronted with the same scenario. Ther is no need to look in2 ur heart..coz if u do ,u no what u find. what u find is not an answer , but a string of actions which if committed to would in the future be the coz for a million questions.

Some brilliant people ve often mentioned emotions as the only weak link of human intelligence. It blinds people from logic and straight reasoning. Which is damn true considering the rise and fall of many fabulous nations and smart men because they thought love was the ultimate reason. Love can only be a instigator to reason..never the measure for it. But we cannot throw that truly beautiful emotion away from us...coz it defines us,it differentiates and makes us special. But love , when used as a excuse for wrong reasons , not only defies itself but also the very reason it tries to instigate. We not only loose both, we loose all.

Archive: file named unreal

Ok this is gotta be the most meaningless or meaningfull(at the time) 2 blocks of sentence construction i penned. i still can't figure what it means. dated : 2004

read on:

now i'm not startin this with a question. coz when i do, i have to keep up to it.i dunno whther to cry. whether what i am in now is what demands such a thing as a tear or whether this emotion which creates tears was constructed to meet with such situations. i'm in the middle. thats an awful experience. in the middle of being sad and shedding a castrol of tears. its similar to that unstable level of wanting to puke but sumthing stops... and u aint sure whether u wanna give into or away from it.

i remember. sitting in an all capped maruti 800 and driving with my sweetheart. i smiled like it was a recognizable emotion. when i do now, i dunno whether its sumthing i make up or real. since i dunno,the question kills me in repugnance.

The Origin of Speci-fics

I can’t whistle. Its no physical glitch that produces such an impotency on me. I read that a whistle is a outcome of a turbulence created in your mouth either by curving the tongue with the lips or inducing an external agent such as a finger. I can’t whistle. No external agent except a metal pipe helps me whistle. I can flip, head stand, snort, growl and can even tune my sound machine into an impressive beat-box but I CANNOT whistle. There goes my quarter body mass worth of confidence.

In my exodus of innumerable life experiences, I have realized that certain things can be done with the passion they deserve only in a prepared epicurean state of mind. Cant drive if you facing yawns, can’t drop a tear if there’s only bliss around, can’t motivate with a speech if there’s nothing you’ve been inspired by. The whistle doesn’t work for in any frame. Ok, before you start to rate this narrative as edging on obscurity, let me ribbon this piece with a topic to net back some attention : The Origin of Speci-fics

Of many google-ian paths that can be spawned from any action, we chose only one that suits our most immediate interest and of course we are partial to those moments that are more self-serving than others. What makes me certified on acting in a certain manner to expect the outcome as exactly what I’d want it to be? Where’s that confidence emanating from? Why do I repeat the same mistakes although I act on behalf of an intelligent being who uses history as his most reliable guide?

In biological terms, it’s the way we wire ourselves. Our brains are an immensely gargantuan repository of neuro-networks ; neurons can be described as the single points of storage of information which can be in raw terms be compared to a bit of data. The neurons connect one another with arm like tentacles and exchange electric impulses with their tips, known as a synoptic cliff. Our thought process is commutative, which means that an element of the presently tailored thought has direct influence on the proceeding thought much like the design of a computer game where the play of one event under the ambit of conditions influences directly the next trigger of outputs. So if I start talking about fishing, I might be driven off to the experience I had when I last hurt myself trying to sew bait onto the fish hook or my pleasant drive next the lake which was brimming with salmon. Overtime, certain triggers become automated and exceeding. Those triggers would only lead to a set of thoughts no matter how diverse it is from the original condition. This fact can be validated from everyday experience. If ones answers the phone to an incessant flurry of ‘wrong number’ calls, soon enough, the automatic response to a legitimate phone call would be emotional response that emulates anger. What happens here is that since the action was hit repeatedly with the first one creating a cinch of anger, the neuro-nets connect with the network that represent anger ,because anger nets and ‘answering the phone’ nets were firing together. So Neuro-nets that fire together, wire together.

But I’m not here to deal with the biological linkage as my ineptness in it is child plays to prove. I critique the subject as one who seeks to break it down on a personal level. The piece can be a tough write and often times confusing and aberrant. This follows soon when I’m less emasculated.